III. The Convergence
I have finally reached the point in my story where, let's just say I learned a hard lesson. I found that I was a man with many dreams and ideas, but very little capital to do any of them. I mean with all my personal life kinda kicking me in the wallet, and no extra cash flow... how's was I gonna get what I needed to make any of this happen? I wanted to own a software development company, gaming community, workshop in the backyard, cool gaming PC desk, & so many other ideas. Now, I know you're wondering, " Workshop, PC? you never mentioned them..." & you're right I didn't. Never mentioned the Dev studio either so I now think you see my conundrum.
I sat in the bedroom and envision the cool desk that I would do all this cool work from, but no idea how it was supposed to happen. By this time, I had already started streaming on Twitch, and then Mixer came along so naturally I signed up. I had the thinking to try building a streaming following in hopes that I could one day make a living doing what I love to do, playing video games. I mean there were many successes by this time to prove my theory, and I thought I was at least as charismatic, if not more, than some of those successes. I mean who can't stream a video game and hang with friends all while conversing with people who are watching you play? Well, apparently there was more nuance to it than gave credit because I have streaming for quite some years now, and still only have about 123 followers. Now please don't misunderstand, I love each & every one of them for following & that is why I keep doing it. I realized, however, that building followers wasn't going to be as easy as I figured so I started watching video's and other streams to see what I was doing wrong. I noticed that most were playing games that they really didn't even like, but did so to gain followers. They had become slaves to the stream, none seemed truly happy & probably equated that to actual work. Now they all but pretty much hated doing it, but were now chained to the system, and that was not the dream I signed up for.
Realizing that I was not about to sign my game independence over to my viewers who like games I wasn't playing; I revamped my focus a bit. I was gonna play my games, my way and I wasn't going to change that. Gaming is about freedom to do what you want, when you want; so why would I give someone else my control over my happiness? Kind of defeats the purpose of entertainment if the only ones happy are not the ones playing, doesn't it? So with that said, I only played what I liked, and I had varying tastes. I am, what I like to call, a gamehopper; it's like a grasshopper with his big strong legs going from one grass stalk to another. I love to play new games through one good time and then come back and just play them as I feel like it. Most of my friends usually stay on one game most of the day, but some are like me and enjoy switching it up from time to time. My favorite games are RPG's because it allows you to create a character and experience the game by sum of your choices; good example is Elite Dangerous. I love simulation games too because you get to build & manage it to see how well you could keep harmony; Sim City is my favorite, but there are others in this genre I will happily play. I am not going to sit here & list all my faves, but you should get the point so let's move on.
So there I was with what I thought was a clear direction (I was wrong, so wrong) off to build my community on Twitch. And since Mixer was now gone I had only one medium to focus on, other than the YouTube. I continued to stream heavy ow that I had an idea of what I wanted to accomplish; I wanted to make affiliate on Twitch so I can start to monetize my fun, and finally be able to pay bills & build my dreams. Again, I just floundered at the same mark & it seemed that I was just spinning my wheels but I never quit anything until I was beaten; and that hadn't happened. I just stalled at 123 followers so I was actually at a steady place which meant I was neither losing nor gaining; just stuck in the mud. So back to researching my issue, however, this one would actually have a simpler solution; variety streaming. This was perfect for me since I loved to hop around, and wouldn't be hard for me to maintain. I also noted some very good social connection sites that would add to my workload, but could bear added fruit and further reach. Now, the key was to learn how to make all the connections necessary to pull this off.
While I was doing all this research, I learned another thing that meant more learning. I was able to integrate everything I was building into the website I was building on Wix, but it would require some programming. I was learning it, but it was for game design not web design & I was going to have to take a crash course in it if I was going to pull this off. I was absolutely excited to learn since I love PC & Tech so this was going to be fun I thought. I found that I still have a lot to learn, like until I have this stuff down, it may be wise to enlist help in getting this accomplished. How was I going to get someone to help me for free was the million dollar question? I decided that I had a small community of gamers, some of which did this exact kind of thing, so I would just around. So I posted it to the FB page & a few spoke up about wanting to help, but most weren't the tech's I was looking for. I loved their willingness to learn and their enthusiasm to build the community so I formed the "Round Table" chat for all those who wanted to help with building the community I had envisioned. But that still didn't solve my issue of having some kind of veteran designer to come one and show me the ropes, & the one guy we have lives in the UK so time is always a huge factor. With life being a struggle for us all, and this endeavor not paying the bills; we all kind of just stopped talking about it except for a couple of us.
I never stopped working on it so I kept reading, learning, dreaming... and then I came up with the idea to use my love for electronics to create extra content for YouTube, hopefully it will help me get a revenue stream from there to supplement what I needed to build that cool workshop in my head. The one that would allow me to build that sick PC desk I mentioned before, but that was coming with it's own set of issues. Playing around with base model video editing software I tried to make a video to test out my hand at content creation. I liked the way it came out but I knew I could do better if I had some really good software. So I found Filmora, since the Adobe software I have is very outdated and served its purpose (but it was time to move on). With the free version, which was the full version with a watermark, I started playing around with game footage and found I liked some of my test video's. I showed it to the round table and got positive response, but they were not good enough for mainstream because now I could see the limitations in my hardware.
Here is where I thought I build my own PC rig that would allow for gaming & content creation at the same time. So again I dive into research on how to build a gaming rig from the many PCs I had accumulated over the yrs (and there were quite a few). Next thing I tested everyone to see which would be the best machine for my base model, which turned out to be the Dell Dimension series gaming PC (I learned what model it was during my research). So now that I had my base model for a cool Legacy gaming PC, which for those the don't know, is actually cool in almost all geek & nerd circles (it's a Tech thing, you wouldn't understand). So my next step was to find a killer graphics card that could replace my outdated Nvidia GTS 250 so that I could free up the onboard RAM for use with the new quad core CPU I managed to score for under $10 (which I then upgraded to the Extreme in order to boost speeds for a work from home gig I was auditioning for lol). Anyone who has built or looked at building a Legacy rig knows that RAM is always the issue, since almost all systems back then max out at 8gb and if you're not using a GPU with its own onboard RAM; then you're spending more time loading than playing. Now I want you to keep in mind that I am doing this on a pauper's budget... so I sifted through pages of Craigslist ads, Ebay & Amazon listings, & thousands of Google searches to find the items I did. Estate & yard sales would occasionally net a gem or 2 but not consistently to save money, & the local thrift store has had come through many times. I got all monitors from there for a steal (about 3 of them actually), some much needed cabled and wires among other little things that I've used.
However, with all the good came a ton of bad buys and duds, & the rig was decent but I was still missing a good GPU. Without that my rig was doomed to run at a snail's pace so I kept looking, and finally found one that I liked and actually could afford 2 of them, the AMD Firepro series. So I was able to get those and everything looked good at first but then I ran into performance issues... again. But by this time, I had the custom PC bug and was on the hunt for my dream rig, A Ryzen gaming rig with all the bells & whistles. It was going to be the AMD system I always wanted, and I already had GPUs so that was out of the way. And here is where the workshop would come back to haunt me since my ultimate integrated PC desk was the where this "unicorn rig" was going to be mounted. So again I started working on the desk which shined a glaring light on my workshop shortcomings, and now I was back to trying to figure out how I can build me a sick workshop in order to build this sick desk so I can build this sick rig so I could go to building this sick gaming community that I can showcase all my sick content through. I wanted all of this so that I could start my dream of making video games from my own design studio... all with a very dependable family to help me & all of us get there, together. I then realized that everything I was trying to create was not just for me, but for everyone because I am not the only one who has dreams that are trapped behind our life's experiences that have made us slaves to others for no other reason than necessity. I learned way back when that there was a better way to live, but we just had to find it & work for it. Anyone can succeed at anything, but to do help others with your success brings much more joy because you know that someone can truly live their dreams because of you. It provides it's own reward that no amount of public recognition can replace, & that is what I want to do with this community. This is really a judgment free, straight talk kind of place to hang out and enjoy a medium that is all about togetherness and friendship.
So here we are back in the present, & I am still fighting to get a start; after yrs of streaming & dreaming. Will I get there in the near future, or will it all fade into the annals as another failed dream of history? That remains to be seen, but at least now I have a better understanding of what I think I have to do to make it... start small at the beginning again, maybe? I know, I know that is a long way back to go but I mean in terms of my success; start over and work on my personal ideas 1st. I hope that by narrowing my focus to me & my personal content, I can some day accomplish the rest. For now, however, it is about my happiness & that has to come 1st; no matter what...
So what's next you say? Streaming & creating content, I am still unable to put my face out there, and I am working on just doing audio for now. I want my content to speak for me not my voice or face, so I think that this choice plays a hugs part in that but I hate how I look and sound when recorded. I am very goofy & entirely politically incorrect to really just go out there like that, & I am a very private person who can rub people the wrong way at times. Not intentionally of course but I don't believe in taking a lot to heart so I make jokes and comments in jest or sarcasm that may be misconstrued as bad. They are usually just funny quips but are centered around some factoid or myth about the topic of the moment, and doesn't reflect an opinion. However, given the social climate of today, there are those that would love to try and degrade, demean, or destroy others over such things. I could care less about those people and they all need to grow up, but human nature is hard to override so I don't try. I am who I am, and no one will change that so if you're intent is to try... have fun with that. But meanwhile, I will be there with my crazy, weird antics & comments for all those who are not afraid of some good old fashioned humor and not thin skinned. I am a Navy vet, African-American, & Father who will always stand by my flag, my country, & my race (the Human race) so if I hurt your feelings... not my fault if you can't take a joke. I am Micca "the 1 Grim Reaper" Ca'Bri; owner, ceo, leader, founder of the Sun Tzu Empire gaming family & its flagship clan the Sun Tzu Ghosts, The grand-master of the Reaperian Order of Grey Jedi, & Admiral of the Sun Tzu starfleet (some of you will recognize the game references here lol). I will remain me & I try to provide good content for the medium I chose so I hope you like off genre games because I love playing the underdog games. So stay tuned for more on the Empire now that the history is over... now let's pave the future in pixels!
Next post let's start talking about my different projects I would like to complete that I think would benefit my ultimate goal. See you then folks, and always remember...
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